


Please Don't Leave Me

by Masha4Lyfe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - The Great Gatsby Fusion, Alternate Universe - The Notebook (2004) Fusion, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Human!Ahsoka, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Poor Anakin, Psychiatrist!Ahsoka, not a lot of comfort folks, selfless and confused Obi-Wan, v sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 14:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11556756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masha4Lyfe/pseuds/Masha4Lyfe
Summary: “You don’t get to sit here in your nice comfy office in your expensive leather décor, and ask me questions you really don’t care to hear the answer to! You don’t get to sit here and examine me under your microscope just to go and write about it in your little ego-boosting medical journals. You don’t know me! You don’t know what I’ve been through!”Fic based off of Judy Garland's "The Man That Got Away"





	Please Don't Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> This particular work is based off the lyrics to Judy Garland's "The Man That Got Away":
> 
> The night is bitter  
> The stars have lost their glitter  
> The winds grow colder  
> Suddenly you're older  
> And all because of the man that got away
> 
> No more his eager call  
> The writings on the wall  
> The dreams you dreamed have all  
> Gone astray
> 
> The man that won you  
> Has run off and undone you  
> That great beginning  
> Has seen the final inning  
> Don't know what happened  
> It's all a crazy game
> 
> No more that all-time thrill  
> For you've been through the mill  
> And never a new love will  
> Be the same
> 
> Good riddance, goodbye  
> Every trick of his you're on to  
> But, fools will be fools  
> And where's he gone to?
> 
> The road gets rougher  
> It's lonelier and tougher  
> With hope you burn up  
> Tomorrow he will turn up  
> There's just no letup the live-long night and day
> 
> Ever since this world began  
> There is nothing sadder than  
> A one-man woman looking for  
> The man that got away  
> The man that got away
> 
> I recommend you give it a listen, but watch it on YouTube. The effect is heightened by watching Judy sing her heart out.

“Come on. Let’s take it from the top.”

“From the top?”

“Yes.”

Anakin leaned back onto the leather couch. If he had to do this, he wanted to make himself comfortable. The hide of the couch sighed as he wiggled around trying to get himself into the most comfortable position. He looked around the room, noting the muted colors that decked out the room. Lots of beige and different shades of green, the most popular being Reseda. It was the most boring room he’d ever been in, if he was being honest. There were ink blot art pieces dispersed around the room, covering different proportions of the blandly colored walls. Next to one of the framed blots were 2 framed collegiate degree. _Typical,_ he thought rolling his eyes, _always some incessant need to show off._ He closed his eyes and dismissed the thought, deciding instead to continue scanning the room. Various assortments of shrubbery graced the corners of the office, and drifting his eyes back towards the woman sitting to the side of him, Anakin saw the most hideous rug he’d ever seen. The narrow piece of furniture was predominantly an emerald color, but it had gold trimmings and flowers that were accentuated with burgundy petals. It really was awful to look at, and it put him on edge. At least it was something not so humdrum, though.

Anakin zeroed in on the clock hanging above the door. He watched as the red second hand slowly made its way around the circumference of the circle. Closing his eyes, he matched his breathing with the soft tick of the timepiece. _One second at a time, you can do this. You only have to be here for an hour. That’s only 3,600 little ticks._ Anakin exhaled calmly and focused on the only other person in the room.

“So, Doc. Where is the top for?”

“Please, call me Ahsoka.”

“Ok, _Ahsoka,_ ” he drew out the words much longer than necessary. “where would you like me to start.”

“Let’s start simple. How have you been lately?”

Anakin bit his lip as he inhaled lightly, shrugging his left shoulder in her direction.

“Oh, you know. Just peachy.” Ahsoka pursed her lips to the side and raised an eyebrow, clearly warning Ankain she wasn’t the type to put up with sass. Anakin scoffed, knitting his eyebrows together.

“What? So you actually want to hear how I’m doing? How I’m really doing. What I think about when I’m on my lonely strolls at night.”

“Yes. By all means, please enlighten me.”

Anakin resituated himself on the couch, the leather sticking to his shirt as he wiggled around. He cocked his jaw to one side while he tilted his head towards the ceiling, watching the fan rotate in silence. When he’d thought of a suitable answer, he turned back towards Ahsoka, her patient blue yes on him.

“I mean, to be perfectly honest. I feel fine most of the time, until I just… don’t anymore. I take walks at night to try and clear my head, but most of the time it has the opposite effect. It’s something I really don’t think I’d be able to explain.”

“I understand, but I would really appreciate it if you could at least try to voice what you’ve been feeling.”

Anakin turned his hands outward, exposing his palms as if to say ‘I don’t know’, and followed with a sigh.

“It’s like… I guess it’s like one minute I’m walking around, and I can look around me and appreciate everything. Like the way lampposts illuminate the space around them, and how it looks like the shadows aren’t allowed to pass over that threshold. Or how hearing my own footsteps on the concrete in time can be soothing. Enjoying the way the slight breeze feels against my skin and my hair. I can be basking in the feeling of all of that in one moment, and then it’s just… gone.”

“What do you feel after all of that is gone?”

“Nothing. I feel empty, a little annoyed if anything. I look around and the night just seems flat…seems bitter. I can look up into the sky and look at the stars, but they don’t do anything for me. I’m not astounded by their beauty, or the constellations and systems they’re a part of. They just look dull to me, like they don’t feel like shining for me anymore. They lose their glitter, and they just look like a bunch of spheres hanging in the sky. The breeze isn’t pleasant after that either. It’s gets too cold and it puts me in a bad mood.”

Anakin was looking at his hands. His fingers were picking at each other. A welcome distraction from what he was explaining to the women sitting to the left of where he was laying on the couch.

“The worst part of it all, though, is when I see other people. When they’re together and happy… ok that sounded bad. I don’t mean it like that. I just mean…ugh.” He groaned to himself, upset with the way things were coming across.

“It’s ok. Don’t get upset about the way you feel. Your emotions are always relevant. Feel free to continue.”

Anakin took a deep breath a shut his eyes for a few moments before he continued.

“There’s nothing wrong with people being happy. That’s not what I was getting at. I just meant that when I see other people together… you know… like _together_ together… and they’re happy. It just makes me question everything. Like how did I get to be in the place I’m in. I’m not getting any younger. The years have really snuck up on me.”

“Well, Anakin. That doesn’t sound like you’re feeling nothing. Are all of these reactions recent, or have they been present for a while?”

“They’re pretty recent, I guess. Within the last 2 or 3 months.”

“I see. So, is it safe to conclude that these could all be due to the falling out you had with Ob- “

“STOP!” The screech was sudden. The air in the room between them seemed to have gone stale. Nothing dared to move, afraid to upset the fragile silence that had just inserted itself. Neither one of them could have anticipated the outburst. Ahsoka simply stared, her eyes wide, and a look of alarm hiding on edge behind them.

“I…I’m sorry. I just-” Anakin bit his top lip. Dragging it with his teeth to the inside of his mouth, he took in unstable shaky breaths into his nose.

“Please don’t say his name.” He whispered. A desperate heartbreaking plea.

“Alright. If that’s what you want.” She tapped her pen to her clipboard and then brought it to rest on the corner of her mouth, thinking of how to proceed.

“I’d like it If you could tell me, and there’s no need to go into too much detail right now, tell me what you think went wrong. Why do you think it ended as badly as it did?”

Anakin’s answer came quickly. He had thought about that question far too many time himself.

“I was too dependent.” He said matter-of-factly. “I think I may have suffocated him a little bit. I looked to him for my happiness. Not that I wasn’t my own person, I just felt my happiest when we were together. I don’t think that’s bad, is it?” He tilted his head to face Ahsoka, giving her a questions look. She shook her head, and he continued with a sigh.

“Anyway, I probably should’ve seen it coming. It was a disaster waiting to happen. There was plenty of writing on the wall, I just didn’t pay attention to it.”

“Then what was it that kept you on this path? Why keep going when you only knew it would lead to disappointment?”

Anakin mulled over these words for a moment, not wanting to lose their meaning.

“I guess it’s because I got carried away. It was easy to do that with him, to get comfortable. It was all too simple to plan ahead, and dream about where things could go between us. I was easily led astray.”

After writing a few things down on her clipboard, Ahsoka dared to venture into more delicate territory. She shifted in her chair, carefully placing one ankle on top of the other.

“What was it that made it so easy for you to dream freely? Is there any particular moment where you realized this?”

Anakin gulped and clasped his hands over his stomach. There was a moment, he knew, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet.

 

* * *

 

 

_Anakin was from a small town in Arizona. Tatooine to be specific. It was small enough you could only find it on a tourist map or if it was your intended location. Obi-Wan had strolled into town on business. He was the head of a big construction project the city had contracted to improve the highways to increase the amount of traffic that came through the time. The two men hit it off after they’d bumped into each other at the local dinner place, Dex’s Diner. Obi-Wan had stuck out like a sore thumb, waltzing in wearing his tailored Armani suit. Anakin had been sitting at the bar when he’d noticed him. He made some comment about a penguin being out in the desert, and it was all history from there. They’d met up a few times in the first couple weeks after their initial meeting, and exchanged numbers and texted, but their first official date came when the Tatooine County Fair came around. They did all the obligatory fair activities. They’d ridden the Farris Wheel and played the rigged carnival games, but Obi-Wan still managed to win a stuffed animal for Anakin. They were loitering towards the edge of the fairgrounds talking when the night turned serious._

_“So, Mr. Big Corporate Robot, what do you like to do in your free time?” Anakin asked, a smirk on his face._

_“Quite honestly, I don’t have much free time.”_

_“C’mon. You really expect me to believe that you don’t have any time to do something fun for you?”_

_“It’s true!” He snickered. “I basically just do what my company tells me to do.”_

_“Oh, now the truth comes out. That makes complete sense, because why else would someone as posh as you end up in Tatooine, Arizona.” Anakin teased._

_Obi-Wan simply shrugged, the motion emphasizing his beard that drove Anakin crazy. He looked at the man in front of him. He’d come here straight from work, and it showed. Obi-Wan wore slacks with sleek polished black shoes, shiny enough for Anakin to see his reflection. His shirt was an ironed button front shirt that matched the gray-blue tint of his eyes. The tie was missing from the ensemble, the first few buttons were undone, and his shirt was untucked. Anakin thought he looked absolutely ravishing. The moonlight reflected off his auburn hair, giving him a copper halo. An idea came to Anakin, and he grabbed the older man’s hand._

_“C’mon, follow me.” He whispered._

_“Anakin,” Obi-Wan chuckled. “Anakin, where are you taking me?”_

_“You’ll see.” The smile evident in his voice._

_The farther away from the fair they moved, the more peaceful and in tune with nature the pair got. The sights and sounds of strobe lights and theme music replaced by fireflies and the sound of their feet sifting through small rocks and dirt. They’d been walking for about 10 minutes when they approached a plateau that looked over the vast expanse of the desert. The sky above them was clear and untainted by industrial pollution. The black canvas of the sky adorned with shimmering stars. Anakin let go of Obi-Wan’s hand and sat on the edge of the plateau, letting his legs swing freely over the edge. He looked back after a moment when Obi-Wan still hadn’t joined him._

_“Well come on.” He beamed._

_“And what if we fall off?” He huffed._

_“We die.” Anakin deadpanned. “Come on, trust me. Don’t be a fraidy cat. Live a little.” He offered his and to the man, and he took it. Once Obi-Wan settled next to Anakin and they’d been staring at the nature in front of them, Anakin spoke._

_“I used to come out here a lot when I was a kid.” Obi-Wan turned his face toward the younger man, offering his full attention._

_“It was really nice to get away from everyone and everything, and just…be. Things at home were bad. My dad was an alcoholic, and my mom and I wouldn’t know what to expect. So, when things go too much for me to handle, I’d come here and look at the stars. I would sit out here for hours on end, imagining that every star was a different place I could go escape to. I used to think that one day I’d get off this sand trap and see em’ all.”_

_“And did you? Ever leave, I mean.”_

_Anakin nodded. “I was gonna be more than just a mechanic, you know. I had it all planned out. I’d been offered a full ride to MIT to study Petroleum Engineering, and boy I had worked my ass off to get that opportunity.”_

_“Anakin, that’s amazing! MIT is the top program in the country.”_

_“Yeah, and it would’ve been great. But about halfway through my first semester, my mom got really sick. I had to come back and take care of her. Long story short, after she died I never really got the chance to get back and pick up my education.”_

_“Oh, Anakin. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize…” Obi-Wan reached over and rubbed soothing circles on Anakin’s back._

_“Piano.”_

_“What?” Anakin sniffled._

_“In my free time I like to play piano.” Anakin perked up at this, clearly not an answer he expected._

_“Are you any good?”_

_“I like to think so.”_

_“Well, then show me.”_

_“But there’s not a piano here.”_

_“That wouldn’t stand in the way of a true pianist.” Anakin taunted, completely butchering Obi-Wan’s British accent._

_Obi-Wan smiled and licked his bottom lip. He rolled up both his sleeves to his elbow, and dramatically placed his arms in the air with his head hung low. As if on cue, he began to bang his hands around in the air, his head flailing about. Anakin went into a fit of laughter that lasted until Obi-Wan was finished, at which time he gave a bow._

_“Well, Mr. Kenobi, I am thoroughly convinced. Quite an impressive show.”_

_“Why thank you. I did take lessons all the way until I went to college, you know. I probably could’ve pursued music if I’d had the opportunity.”_

_“What got in your way?”_

_“My parents. Well, more my father. He expected me to take his place at the firm once he retired. The expectations far outweighed any interest I had in becoming a professional musician.”_

_The wind began to pick up then, and strands of Obi-Wan’s hair flew in front of his face. Anakin smiled then, and leaned over and tucked one of the red locks out of Obi-Wan’s eye._

_“I’d love to hear you play sometime.”_

_“I would really enjoy that.” Obi-Wan murmured._

_Both men gazed into each other’s eyes. Blue meeting blue, and they were leaning in towards each other, like a moon caught in a planet’s gravitational pull. Obi-Wan cupped Anakin’s cheek and guided their lips together. It was a sensation Anakin had never felt before. Obi-Wan’s lips were chapped, but still incredibly soft. Anakin wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck, deepening the kiss. His tongue gained entry and traveled the expanses of the older man’s mouth. He committed every feeling to memory, not knowing when, or if, there would be a next time. Obi-Wan moaned into the kiss, and that sent a shockwave of heat pulsing through Anakin’s body. He shifted, trying to get closer, when a rock fell off the plateau. The sound it made bouncing off the edges of the abyss below echoing in the languid silence of the night. Obi-Wan squeaked and pulled back from the kiss. Anakin could do no more than laugh as he rested his forehead against Obi-Wan’s._

 

* * *

 

 

“So there was such a moment?” Ahsoka prodded.

“Yes, but I really don’t feel comfortable discussing it right now.” Anakin resisted. “Sheesh, Padmé didn’t tell me you were going to be such a pusher.”

“If I weren’t my job would be a lot more difficult.”

“What? You mean you actually have patients who are more headstrong than me?” Anakin asked, frankly shocked at the realization.

“Yes, quite surprising, isn’t it?” She quipped. “Now, can we please get back to the subject of discussion, Mr. Skywalker?”

“Yes, Dr. Tano.” He mocked.

“With everything going so well, what was it that happened? Why did things just fall apart?”

Anakin nodded and puckered his lips.

“That’s a great question, Doc. I really wish I knew the answer.”

“You don’t have any inkling? None at all?”

“No. Not unless this was all some crazy game to him. I’m not sure. It all seemed so genuine. I know that I’d never felt that way about anyone before. I really don’t know what happened.” Anakin conceded, deflated.

“Anakin,” Ahsoka started. “it’s perfectly naturally to feel this way, especially after a rough breakup. This wasn’t just some fling with two ships passing in the night. This was a relationship that the both of you put effort into, nurtured. To have it end this way would be traumatic for anyone.”

“I guess so.”

“Anakin, you can’t help that you were taken for a trip through the mill. Stiff upper lip, push on. You don’t have to let this keep you down. You can move on. I know love is hard to leave behind, but is that something you think you can do?” She held her breath, but subtly enough to where Anakin wasn’t aware she was uneasy with her question. She had read Anakin’s file. He was emotionally unstable after all of this, and she was treading on thin ice.

Anakin dropped his head and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.

“I really don’t have many other options. Sure, there won’t ever be a love like this again, but it’s not like I’m tied to him. I don’t need to have him in my life.” He was more confident now. His posture straighter, his voice surer as he continued.

“Good riddance!” he snickered. “I’m not going to be tricked into caring about him more than he cared about me, no ma’am!” His defiant smile soon faded and was replaced by a grimace.

“Joke’s on him though. I may still be in Arizona, but I’ve got no idea where he is.” He laughed, but it was an empty laugh. A laugh filled with pain and longing.

“Anakin, no one said the road to recovery would be easy. It’s far lonelier and tougher than one you’ve walked before. I’m here to help you with that burden, to ease it, if you’ll let me.”

“You don’t think I know it’s lonely? That it’s tough? I wake up every day hoping that maybe, just maybe, he’ll call me. Tell me it was all a mistake and that he’s going to come back. My days a filled with a burning I hope that I know I have no right to have. A hope that the next day he’ll turn up and sweep me away from the God-forsaken desert.” Silence seeped into the room in between his words.

“There’s just no let up, Ahsoka. Not at night, and not in the day. I wake up hoping, and I go to sleep hoping.”

Ahsoka licked her lips and fluttered her eyelashes.

“Anakin, why are you letting him hold you back?”

His head shot up, eyes wide. “What?” He mumbled.

“I said, why are you letting your love for him hold you back?”

Anakin’s gave frantically searched around the room looking for something to look at. Something other than the woman who’d just asked him that question.

* * *

 

 

_Obi-Wan stood in Anakin’s kitchen, waiting for the younger man to come out of his room. He’d called Anakin earlier that day, careful not to betray himself with his voice. He had to leave. He had to get out of this town. Out of this state. He couldn’t stay with Anakin. It wouldn’t be good for either of them. Anakin strolled out of his room wearing dark skinny jeans that hugged all the right places._

_“Hey.” He smiled, punctuating the greeting with a peck on Obi-Wan’s lips._

_“Hi. So before we go out, there’s something I need to go over with you.”_

_“Ok.” Anakin chirped, clearly not expecting what was about to come._

_“I’m leaving.”_

_“Where are we going?”_

_Obi-Wan let out a breath. He knew this was going to be difficult._

_“No, **I’m** leaving.”_

_Anakin opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. His eyebrows contorted into all different shapes._

_“What do you mean you’re leaving?”_

_“I just can’t stay here anymore. I have to get out.”_

_“I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”_

_Obi-Wan put one hand on his hip, another braced against his forehead._

_“I admit this is really sudden, but I just can’t stay here anymore. It’s not good for me, for us.”_

_“Obi-Wan how can you say that? After everything we’ve discussed and everything we’ve done for each other. You’re saying you can just get up and leave and be fine?”_

_“I didn’t say I would be fine. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”_

_“Well, by all means don’t let me stop you from showing it!” They were both shouting now. Voices getting louder with each word they spoke._

_“Why is leaving the best option for you? Huh? Tell me?” He was in Obi-Wan’s space now. Stressing each question with a push on Obi-Wan’s shoulders._

_“Because I can’t sit around here and let me hold you back!”_

_Anakin stumbled back. “Hold me back? Is that what you think you’re doing?”_

_“Yes.”_

_He approached Obi-Wan again, this time taking his face into his hands._

_“Obi-Wan, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You can’t just pick up and leave.”_

_“I’m holding you back. It’s not good for me to be here.”_

_“Stop saying that! I love you!”_

_“No, Anakin please don’t say that.”_

_“No, I will say it! It’s true, and don’t tell me you don’t love me. I know you do. I can **feel** it!” He implored, motioning between their hearts with his hand._

_“I do love you, dear one.” A smile slipped on to Anakin’s face._

_“And that’s why I have to leave. You’re capable of so much, and without me in the way, you’ll be able to reach those heights.” Anakin was making sounds of protest again, and Obi-Wan knew the only way Anakin would let him leave was to completely tear him down, so that’s what he did._

_“Anakin.” He put up his hand to silence him. “I just feel suffocated here. I know we talked about my staying, but I don’t know what I was thinking. There isn’t anything for me here. I belong in the big city, where I can do my job. I can’t do that here. And if I don’t get out now… I’ll only end up like your father.”_

_Obi-Wan’s heart moaned and ached the moment the words left his lips, but his words had served their purpose. Anakin’s hand rose to clutch his mouth. Tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes. Obi-Wan knew he had to leave before they began to fall, or he’d drop everything and stay. Anakin didn’t need that...didn’t deserve to be tied back like that._

_So with another weak ‘I’m sorry.’ Obi-Wan slipped out of the apartment and didn’t turn back._

* * *

 

 

“No! You don’t get to ask me that! How dare you!” Anakin roared.

“You don’t get to sit here in your nice comfy office in your expensive leather décor, and ask me questions you really don’t care to hear the answer to! You don’t get to sit here and examine me under your microscope just to go and write about it in your little ego-boosting medical journals. You don’t know me! You don’t know what I’ve been through!” The man was standing now, towering over Ahsoka.

“Anakin. Please calm down, we can discuss this ratio-“

“No! I am done with rational.” He cried, emphasizing his words with his hands in the air.

“Rational told me that what I was feeling was ok! That what I was feeling was normal. Rational told me that he loved me, and that it was ok for me to trust him. Yet here I am, getting the short end of the stick again! Just like I got with my father, just like I got with MIT, and now I’m getting it with you! Please, Dr. Tano, spare me your intellect.” Anakin sighed, resigning himself back to the couch, and holding his head in his hands.

The tension in the room was palpable. Ahsoka knew the next few minutes were important. She had to let him speak first, or she would shatter the frail atmosphere in the room.

“Would you like to know what the saddest part about all of this is?”

She met his gingerly, letting him know he should continue.

“I’ll always be out there looking. Looking for some kind of hope to cling to. Whether that be love, or a job, or clinging to the idea I can find peace. The truth is, I have nothing anymore. I have no one.”

“So, then after all of this,” she gestured all around her for emphasis. Unsure whether she should continue. “what is Obi-Wan Kenobi to you?”

Anakin smiled, an earth-shattering sad smile.

“The man that got away.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. This a particularly emotional one for me to write, seeing as I'm a sucker for happy endings. Please let me know what ya'll thought, I appreciate any comments!


End file.
